Friday, 28 January 2011

The Adventures of Audrey Sparrow Part II

(Audrey wears Papercup Bonanza dress in peach leopard)

Last weekend my friend Caroline decided to have a garden party because "Audrey, I've always wanted to play croquet."

At the time, it seemed like the most ridiculous excuse for a party I'd ever heard - but then again, at the time I was a little bit grumpy and a little bit tired and very, very hungry.  (Do you suffer from 'hanger'?  it is 'hungry anger' and it attacks me when I've gone too long without a sandwich.  It attacks me, and then I attack the world.  Mum has learned to recognise the signs and, when I'm particularly argumentative, will gently offer me a small packet of Tiny Teddies - they are my favourite - before launching into any heated debates.)

So it's understandable that I grumbled and suggested Caroline join a croquet club.
"Stop being such a grump," she said, "it'll be fun!"  And before I knew it I'd been tricked into not only attending, but also bringing a batch of scones.

Secretly, I'm not a huge fan of garden parties.  I like gardens and I like parties, but put the two together and add in a cluster of people pretending to be in Pride & Prejudice, and it all starts to be a bit much.  Also there is never any proper food as everyone in attendance comes over all fairy cakes and cucumber sandwiches (despite the fact that fairy cakes invariably taste like stale sponge and cucumber sandwiches become revolting after sitting out in the sun for five minutes).  It was lucky for everyone, I thought, that I was scone-ing.

The day arrived - Saturday afternoon - and, feeling summery, I changed into my Papercup Bonanza dress- pretty and peachy and light, but patterned with just enough leopard print to feel a little bit subversive.

Five minutes later I was ready to go!  Unfortunately, the scones weren't.  The scones, which were a little low on flour (we'd run out and the dairy just seemed so far away), had fused into one giant scone. Mega-scone! Sconezilla! Whatever I decided to name the scone monstrosity, it was clear that I was either going to have to chop it into little squares or cart it about in a suitcase.  By the time I dashed down the front path, headband slightly askew, bag of scone squares in hand, I was flustered and hot and by no means serene enough for a garden party.

When I got there, though, it was lovely.
Caroline had set up an outside table covered in champagne flutes, cupcakes, and crackers and cheese and it looked stunning! I noticed a tray of limp-looking cucumber sandwiches tucked in behind the cupcakes, felt sorry for them and ate one, then instantly regretted it.  Yuck.
After offloading the scones and getting a drink I wandered down the other end of the garden, where Caroline was busy directing a game of croquet.
"Audrey!" she said, "Good. You can be on my team.  Did you end up making scones?"
The croquet was going swimmingly until the third game, when disaster struck - Caroline, who was trying to line up a particularly difficult shot, lent backwards onto a plant.  The plant gave way and Caroline keeled over, waving the mallet as she went, and somehow managed to make contact with the ball, sending it careening wildly into the air and straight at my head! 

I took a direct hit to the ear, stumbled backwards, lost my footing, and tumbled to the ground... only instead of hitting the ground, I found myself caught in someone's arms. I looked up to find myself staring into the face of the man who had just caught me.  The extremely handsome face of the man who had just caught me.

"Oh, Rhett!" I said, attempting to be alluring despite my possible concussion... and then I passed out.

To Be Continued.... 

(The Adventures of Audrey Sparrow are written by Ally Mullord, visit her blog- Today is my Birthday!)

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