The Adventures of Audrey Sparrow Part III

(Audrey wears Papercup Horsey tee & polka shorts)

When I woke up, undignified and still a bit woozy, Caroline was bending over and peering into my face in a concerned fashion. "I'm so sorry! I tripped into the bush and I just kind of kept hitting the ball and- are you OK?"

My glasses had flown off into the undergrowth and I was going to be sporting an attractive rhino-like bump for the next few days, but there was no permanent damage... except, perhaps, to my heart. I sat up cautiously and looked around for my attractive rescuer, but he was nowhere to be seen. "Who was that?" I asked Caroline. "The guy who caught me?"

"Henry? I knew there was a reason I invited him to things."

"Where did he go?" I was mildly irritated that the mysterious Henry hadn't stuck around to make sure I wasn't dead.

Caroline shrugged. "He had a rehearsal, I think? He said he hoped you were OK, though."

She wandered off to refill our glasses, leaving me to ask, "Rehearsal? What rehearsal?" and sulk about the lack of grand romantic gestures. He hoped I was OK? Hmph. I had a final ill-advised cucumber sandwich and then I went home.

***

A couple of days later Caroline rang asking if I wanted to go for a run along the waterfront. After some negotiation on my part we decided to go for a sedate walk, followed by an equally sedate coffee.

I have the best intentions when it comes to running but it's just so much effort! Not to mention somewhat disorienting with glasses on - everything in front of you is in stunning high-definition, but there's a disconcerting peripheral blur of feet. More importantly, I thought we might be dropping in to see the handsome barista at Nikau and in my horsey tee and polka shorts I was looking far too cute to spoil the effect by being all hot and sweaty.

Half an hour later we were wandering along the waterfront, commenting on the Art. I've often thought that had I not chosen to become a teacher I could've been a great modern artist. I would be absolutely fantastic at placing a ceramic banana on a piece of Astroturf and saying something deep about deforestation.

My piece de resistance would be a sculpture of a porpoise made out of plastic bags and stuck on top of a ladder. At the exhibition opening I would deliver a lengthy speech about humanity's impact on nature: "My decision to use supermarket bags in this work," I would say artily, "is an ironic statement about how our desire to save ourselves money is sparking a Countdown for sea life! Also, I have placed the sculpture on a ladder to remind us all that, no matter its aesthetic qualities, art must have a HIGHER PORPOISE!" And then I would laugh uproariously and be kicked out of the Artists Society forever.

As we wandered past a visiting cruise ship I surfaced from my artist daydream to Caroline saying, "...so tomorrow night we thought we might go along?"

Flustered, I blurted out, "Sure! Let's! It sounds great." I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Yay!" said Caroline. "I've always wanted to try speed dating."

I knew I should have been paying attention and not daydreaming about porpoise puns. Speed dating? What on earth does one wear?...


(The Adventures of Audrey Sparrow are written by Ally Mullord, visit her blog- Today is my Birthday!)